Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Stupid and Obese Animals that Deserve to Die

If you need any further proof that there is no God and that evolution and natural selection are the only true answers in the universe, then you need look no further than the list of pathetically stupid animals below.  Animals so stupid, sad or dickish that they have allowed themselves to be tamed, modified or surpassed on the evolutionary ladder by a house plant.  These animals prove once and for all that there is no God, as any omnipotent being would never create creatures that served little purpose other than to be used as toilet paper by the rest of the planet.

  1. Chickens
I hate chickens.  Sure, they taste really good and are one of the most useful and important animals for humans, but I ask you, what kind of stupid arse bird can’t fly?

A chicken isn’t like other flightless birds such as the ostrich or penguin, both of whom have evolved into animals more akin to a large marsupial or fish, perfect for their environment and a necessity given their harsh conditions.  

But stupid chickens remind me of that morbidly obese fat man that you see waddling about town occasionally.  The lump of lard has allowed himself to get so out of shape and so fat that he can barely walk a few paces without having to stop and gasp for breath.  

Pictured: The Human Chicken.
So too the chicken has allowed its wings to wither away until it can only manage a few feet of flight before crumpling to the floor like a delicious ball of meat and blame everyone else for allowing it to get in this position. 

I mean a flightless bird??  How stupid is that?  That’s like a fish that can’t swim! 

Chickens deserve to be eaten and ridiculed for the simple fact that they suck and I have no respect for them.

  1. Moths
Moths are to flying insects as to being stabbed in the face is to shaving.  Totally over the top, completely unnecessary and not very nice.

A fury ball of evil that has plagued mankind since we lit our first camp fire, the common moth manages to combine everything we hate about insects.  It has the look of a diseased, dead butterfly corpse that has been zombiefied, come back from the dead and wants to eat your brains.  

Braaaaaaaains...  And lightbulbs.  Mainly lightbulbs.
Again, much like the chicken, the moth ranks high on my list due to its innate stupidity and lack of evolutionary intelligence.  Here’s a tip for you dumb-ass, if you see a light and think that maybe the moon suddenly has a twin, is attached to a car, has now moved from the sky to the road and is travelling towards you at 60mph, there’s a good chance that it’s not the moon and is in fact the headlights of a Honda Accord.

You think at some point one of the moths would go off and tell his friends that all the lights they’ve been attracted too over the last couple of thousand years are not the moon, so we should probably ignore them.

  1. Slugs
I mean just look at them!  WHY!!!!!  WHY universe, why??

They look like something that some hack writer came up with when trying to write a crappy sci-fi story.  They’re just a small black bag of puss that slithers around the place being disgusting and stupid.

At least the snail is a home owner.  He has done something with his life, he has contributed to society.  But the slug is the homeless, poor, crack addicted cousin of the snail.  The member of the family that everyone hates but is forced to tolerate.  He will lie to you, steal from you and make a horrible mess on your carpets if you make the mistake of inviting him into your home.

The slug is never going to change.  No matter how many good intentions or help you offer him, he will throw it back in your face and slither away to carry on being a dick.

All these animals need to be wiped out for the sake of humanity.


Mothinug!  An new breed of EVIL!


  1. Hahaha! Mothinug! I gotta get me that guy on a T-shirt.

  2. Though technically a Moth is an insect (order Lepidoptera) and a Slug is a Gastropod Mollusc.

  3. Are you questioning the feasibility of the genetic compatibility of the Moth/Slug/Chicken hybrid? How dare you!