Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Daddy Issues

At some point in your life, you will go from being the child to being the adult in your relationship with your father.  In the past his wisdom, strength and fortitude would provide comfort and confidence, but now only provides confusion and anger.

Learning how to deal with this changing relationship and behaviour is one of the most important relationships a modern man must manage.  Gone are the days when you had to do everything your father told you to as his word was gospel.  Now they are replaced by a series of confusing, angry and desperate pleas for understanding and acceptance in a world that they do not understand.

You will find as you grow older that your father’s insane rants no longer inspire feelings of awe and reverence, more so they now inspire feelings of unease, helplessness and suspect armchair racism.

Simple modern methods and tasks that a four year old could master in a matter of seconds are now sadly beyond the understanding of your father, as he stubbornly clings onto the old way of thinking.

Try as you might to impart your current world wisdom and knowledge, it will be thrown back in your face with accusations of deliberately making things more confusing than they should be, or withholding facts a common occurrences.

There will come a point when much like an lion, head of his pride for so long, now having to fight off younger and stronger challenges, so too your father will attempt to secure his future by going toe to toe with someone many decades younger than him.  This leaves you in the position of having to combat a man who is used to dominating you. 

Your options are either beat up a man pushing retirement age or let him win the argument and accept your position as the beta member of the pack.  Either way you’re not going to be in for much fun as trying to explain to the Police why you beat up a man in his 60’s isn’t going to win you many fans.

Simple arguments and incidents can now turn into a full on war between the generations.  As the following true life example shows...

It was just another normal evening as I relaxed and watched some TV.

Then my father came into the room and spotted something was wrong... So very wrong.

It was at this moment that his sanity snapped.

Picking up the offending cushion he charged me like a demented hippo on acid.

Not sure if what I saw was real or some form of waking nightmare,  I sat motionless in intense confusion.

Not having the same issues, my father continued his charge.

Shit just got real.

Oh my god!  This is real!  He's actually attacking me with a cushion!

But this makes no sense?

Surely this is some sort of joke?

Chances are you will now spend the next 30 minutes just sitting there, not able to move as you try to process the events that have just transpired.   Yes, you were just attacked by an old man doing his best Christian Bale Batman voice impression.


  1. Aw Wayne, this is the best blog so far! I actually peed my pants laughing!

  2. My father was much like that. He also had hang-ups over stuff on the floor. Once I was in my bedroom playing ATV on my Spectrum with my mate, when my father burst into the bedroom. "The Rug!" he yelled. "The rug in the passageway! Is isn't straight! YOU DID THIS!" He ordered my friend out of the house and then - and this is the bit where I froze up too - he actually wrestled me. I mean really, who wrestles anyone? Kinda didn't know how to process that. Still don't. Mind you, your dad sounds far worse than mine.

  3. Oh aye fab blog by the way - you do seem to be getting better at this lark, casual racism aside...

  4. Thanks guys. Be sure to spread the word and put my blog link out there. Forums, groups, Facebook lists, its all good!

  5. Well I thought I had posted a comment here, but for some reason it disappeared... at the same time my computer connection stopped worked. Anyways to rephrase, I think you're funny! Why is everyone a triangle, and check out my blog too!